The Official Jokes Thread

James

Staff member
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very

excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then

give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she

said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil

spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone

that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn (you remember him don't cha?).

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full

of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough

tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a

Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"

Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for

free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your

mouth."
 
A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.
One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy
bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was quite amused, but explains that she needs to meet certain
biker requirements in order to join the club . The biker asks;
"Do you have a motorcycle?
The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there,"
and pointed to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, drink like a fish... beer mostly,
whiskey when I'm shooting pool..
I'll drink everyone in your club under the table."
The biker is surprised but then asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney.
At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day ,
and cigars when I'm drinking whiskey and shooting pool"

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever
been picked up by the fuzz...?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says,
"Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times...."
 
Late at night, a travelling salesman's car breaks down out in the country. He walks to a farmhouse, knocks on the door and asks if he can spend the night.
The farmer replies "sure, but I don't have a daughter..."

Yeah, I know, you don't get it, but at least it was short.
 
A man and a dog walks into a bar. The bartender says "cool does your dog bite?" The man replies no my dog dont bite. The bartender comes around the counter to pet the dog and very quickly the dog bites the shit out the bartender hand. The bartender then replies I thought you said he dont bite. The man replied "thats not my dog"
 

James

Staff member
Ok this is a collaboration from Timoyz & Naturaledge. :lol:



Timoyz - A Canuck and a Hoosier, meet in the windy city, to check out some trails...

Edge - "So the Canuck says, "Wow, I never realized the City was this big!" The Hoosier replies, "Wait until you see Chicago, we're still in Gary Indiana"
 
2 drunks were sitting next to the sidewalk when a dog walked up, sat down and began to lick it's balls...one drunk says "man, I wish I could do that" the other drunk says, "might want to pet him first he may bite"

Probably already told this one but for some reason it came to my mind...and I have all female dogs! :shocked:
 
THE DISSAPEARENCE OF FARMS

In Kentucky a school teacher asked what sound a pig makes.
Little Jamal raises his hands and says "Freeze Mother Fucker"

Kids just don’t know any better.
 
THE DISSAPEARENCE OF FARMS

In Kentucky a school teacher asked what sound a pig makes.
Little Jamal raises his hands and says "Freeze Mother Fucker"

Kids just don’t know any better.
:lol::lol::lol::lol:

We have a cop that moved in next door last year...everytime he comes over to visit my son (23yo) says here comes the heat or here comes the fuzz or hey pig how's it going! It's all in good faith, he and my son (actually all of us) get along great....the guy's real cool
 
The 3rd grade class had been studying trains all week, the teacher asked if anyone knew what sound a train made...little Mary stood up and said "they go CHOO, CHOO". Very good Mary said the teacher..."Now, can anyone use the words Choo-Choo in a sentance"? Without hesitating Juanito stood up and said "Si, si, the cops chowed up at my house last night looking for some guy who chot someone in the street...they saw him trying to hide behine the garage so they pointed their guns at him and said come out, drop your weapon or we'll CHOO-CHOO"!!!
 
Having seen your avatar...a buddy of mine actually took a cup of coffee into the head when he took a shit...he told me he was going to make a sandwich and take it in just to see what his wife would say! :rolleyes:
 
A guy was in a bar one night just totally hammered, he asked for one more drink the bartender asked if he could handle it, he said sure why not...he took one sip and puked all over himself...He starts whining that his wife's going to question him about his drinking when the guy next to him said, here's $5 and puts it in his shirt pocket. He told the drunk that if his wife asks, tell her that someone else did it and gave you money for the dry cleaning...he said thanks and walked home. He gets to the front door and starts looking for his keys when his wife opens the door, she asks as expected, What the hell happened to your shirt? he told her exactly what the guys said...she pulled out the $5 out of his pocket and asked what's this for? he said for dry cleaning my shirt, he waits a minute and says...there ought to be more cuz I think he shit in my pants too!
 
Sarah and Dick were having dinner with a couple they'd lost touch with when they moved to another city many years ago. Over the meal, the couples took turns catching up.
"And soon after we were married," Sarah began, "we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no teeth."
"Oh, you had a baby!" said the other husband.
"Nope," Dick broke in, "Sarah's mother came to live with us."
 
A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!
The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!

































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