The Official Jokes Thread

My dog was standing at the front door barking so I opened it to let him out, he wanted ME to leave!

I asked my wife, I said "how about a night of wild passionate sex?" She said that sounds great! And she grabbed her purse and left!
No respect, no respect at all..

I tell ya, I asked my dad I said “dad why do you never take me to the zoo? He said if they want you back they'll come get you.