Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.
They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”
The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, “I’d calm down if I were you.”
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!”
The older alien again warned his comrade saying, “You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad.”
“Rubbish,” replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.
There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about a hundred yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
“What a ferocious creature!” exclaimed the young, fried alien. “He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?”
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.”
Is this from experience?This might already be on here but I'm posting again... if you've read it before just ignore it....
A bored, lonesome single woman was browsing thru the classifieds one Saturday afternoon and sees an ad for a toad that reads "one kiss and your dreams will come true... only $25." She hesitates, goes on then goes back to the ad and out of curiosity calls the number. A mans voice comes on the other end...she sheepishly asks Are you the person with the toad for sale"? Yes I am he says, this looks too good to be true or is it all crap like most ads"? the man says OH, it's true I've had severasl toads like him in the past. Well then the woman says, "it doesn't look too expensive only $25... are YOU sure this isn't a gimmick?" He says I am positive... She agrees to come look at it and pays a visit. She picks it up, looks it over says to the guy, looks like a normal toad... so what does he do that'll make my dreams come true. Well he says, he'll turn into a handsome prince as all young women dream of marrying and you will live happily ever after. She says OK, what do I need to do? He says, this toad isn't like most of the others, this one must perform oral sex rather than giving a regular kiss to turn into a prince. She says Ooooo that sounds interesting, pays him the money and leaves... that evening she undresses, takes a nice warm bath and goes into the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed. She looks down at the toad and wonders... she picks it up and places it on the bed, she lies down, spreads her legs and places the toad near her privates... she watches but the toad does nothing... she tries coaxing it a little but still nothing.. she gets frustrated and calls the man. He agrees to come to her house to see what the matter is. she explains herself, he says OK, now show me exactly what you did...she disrobes, lies down, spreads her legs, places the toad down by her privates and again, nothing happens. He says OK, OK... I know what it is... he's a little shy and may have forgotten how, he picks up the toad says "NOW, I'm going to show you ONE MORE TIME how to do it and that's all"!