The Official Jokes Thread

A young 7 year old boy goes up to his father and asks him, 'Dad, what is the difference between "potentially" & "realistically"?'

He thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars ...

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer.

 
two little farm boys are walking home from school. after a while, they come to a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. the oldest boy gets behind it, pulls his pants down, and does his thing. when he's done, he looks at his younger brother and says 'ok, your turn'. the younger one rolls his eyes :rolleyes: , puts his pants down, and sticks his head in the fence....
 
two little farm boys are walking home from school. after a while, they come to a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. the oldest boy gets behind it, pulls his pants down, and does his thing. when he's done, he looks at his younger brother and says 'ok, your turn'. the younger one rolls his eyes :rolleyes: , puts his pants down, and sticks his head in the fence....
:lol:
 
A man is ordering food at a high class resurant and drops his spoon, immediatly a waiter pulls one out of his coat and handed him a new on. When his meal came he asked for sauce to put on his steak and the waiter opend his coat and asked of the three we carry would you like the A-1? Wow he said you guy are on top of things. After looking aroud while eating his dinner he noticed a string hanging out of the waiters zipper. He looked around and all the waiters had strings hanging out of thier zippers. His curiosity grew. He pulled his waiter aside and said,"wow, you guys are very proficient in how fast you handle what the customer needs, I droped my spoon and bang, there you are, you brought me my food and you had three kinds of steak sauce right there and didn't need to go to the kitchen to get it. The one thing that puzzles me is why do all the waiters have a sting hanging out of your zipper?" "Well" said the waiter, "the owner wants us to be, like you said, very proficient! So when we need to use the restroom during our shift we just zip down our pants and pull on the sting that is attached to our penis, now that we diddn't touch it with our hands we don't need to wash them to get back out on the floor real quick." "Oh" says the man, "but how do you put you penis back into you pants?" The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters but, I use a spoon."
 
A man is ordering food at a high class resurant and drops his spoon, immediatly a waiter pulls one out of his coat and handed him a new on. When his meal came he asked for sauce to put on his steak and the waiter opend his coat and asked of the three we carry would you like the A-1? Wow he said you guy are on top of things. After looking aroud while eating his dinner he noticed a string hanging out of the waiters zipper. He looked around and all the waiters had strings hanging out of thier zippers. His curiosity grew. He pulled his waiter aside and said,"wow, you guys are very proficient in how fast you handle what the customer needs, I droped my spoon and bang, there you are, you brought me my food and you had three kinds of steak sauce right there and didn't need to go to the kitchen to get it. The one thing that puzzles me is why do all the waiters have a sting hanging out of your zipper?" "Well" said the waiter, "the owner wants us to be, like you said, very proficient! So when we need to use the restroom during our shift we just zip down our pants and pull on the sting that is attached to our penis, now that we diddn't touch it with our hands we don't need to wash them to get back out on the floor real quick." "Oh" says the man, "but how do you put you penis back into you pants?" The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters but, I use a spoon."
:picard:
 
A man is ordering food at a high class resurant and drops his spoon, immediatly a waiter pulls one out of his coat and handed him a new on. When his meal came he asked for sauce to put on his steak and the waiter opend his coat and asked of the three we carry would you like the A-1? Wow he said you guy are on top of things. After looking aroud while eating his dinner he noticed a string hanging out of the waiters zipper. He looked around and all the waiters had strings hanging out of thier zippers. His curiosity grew. He pulled his waiter aside and said,"wow, you guys are very proficient in how fast you handle what the customer needs, I droped my spoon and bang, there you are, you brought me my food and you had three kinds of steak sauce right there and didn't need to go to the kitchen to get it. The one thing that puzzles me is why do all the waiters have a sting hanging out of your zipper?" "Well" said the waiter, "the owner wants us to be, like you said, very proficient! So when we need to use the restroom during our shift we just zip down our pants and pull on the sting that is attached to our penis, now that we diddn't touch it with our hands we don't need to wash them to get back out on the floor real quick." "Oh" says the man, "but how do you put you penis back into you pants?" The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters but, I use a spoon."
I am afraid to ask what they do with the steak sauces. :noidea:
 
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"

And then the fight started...
 
I was in a pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large women at the bar.

They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey are you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them replied, "Its WALES you friggin idiot!"

So I applogized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

And then the fight started...
 
I was in a pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large women at the bar.

They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey are you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them replied, "Its WALES you friggin idiot!"

So I applogized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

And then the fight started...
seriously laughing out loud.....:lol::lol:
 

James

Staff member
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