Merry Christmas with a ?

Naturaledge

Naturaledge

Hope you all had a wonderful and safe Christmas/holiday. :cheers: Just wondering if holiday dinners have anything to do with the particularly puzzling and unique situation I found myself in a few minutes ago. I know I can count on my DBA friends to give me honest and sage advice.
So, here is my sitch. I am downstairs watching the world junior hockey game (I'm Canadian) and I float a bit of an "air-biscuit". Now, bear in mind, I regularly, and with a good deal of self confidence, crop dust any number of rooms in a typical day. Heck, I'm the guy that gets on the elevator every day at my office and bust out a bouncy C just cause I like to live on the edge. Now, here's where stuff gets real - this gas that I floated just minutes ago would knock a Buzzard off an outhouse from a good 70 yards. Heck, my stationary bike started peddling itself in a futile attempt to escape. There is no doubt in my mind that I have to phone everyone that was coming over and tell them that there has been a death in the family so we will have to reschedule.
What is going on? Is this a case of too much holiday eating? Not enough ruffage? Thanks in advance. :thumb:
 
2strokesteve89

2strokesteve89

You stored it too long.......if you fart regularly, and don't hold it in too long the "death gas" can usually be avoided, think regular purging as a sort of maintenance. Now with that in mind, remember at even with regular " maintenance" there are certain foods such as cabbage, summer sausage, and Lima beans that WILL cause others to run for safety. Have a safe holidays.
 
Naturaledge

Naturaledge

PALMER84ONE:
If you can play jingle bells out of your ass, CALL ME...

We can do a duet...
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Well, there was this one time on Christmas eve that I was invited to do "Little Drummer Boy". I had practiced for weeks. My parents were so proud of me. I showed up prepared to deliver an impressive Christmas eve performance. I dropped my dress pants, bent over and showed my young but, imppressive arse flute to the eagerly awaiting crowd. I faltered and proceeded to blow an F sharp. The congregation went silent. I was mortified. I couldnt continue. The crowd gave me a bit of a golf clap as I hung my head and walked off the stage. The good news is, I have since learned and perfected "Jingle Bells" and, not only would I be humbled P841, I would be honored to play that classic with you. :cheers:
 
PALMER84ONE

PALMER84ONE

Now that you mention it. There was a time back in catholic school where we had to be in church every tuesday for the same old hum drum. My parents were big on making sure we ate all of our vegetables for dinner every night. Well anyway, Monday night dinner just happened to be sauerkraut and bratwurst, with a side of green beans. (No idea why we had to have the green colored food also). Anyway, we all do the sit, kneel, stand, sit, kneel, sit and that just loosened the body up. If you have ever been in the cathedral with grade 1 through 9, the place was packed. Almost like a Sunday service with the begging for money (after all, we were students). It was a very quiet time when all of a sudden, all that movement gave me a rumble in the stomach first and that went strait to the rear. I let out this big audible like Bret Fahr when his leg cracked, followed by a wet squeezer and that was it... Soiled the the shorts and all. It was at that time I realized why the called the benches in a church a pew.
 
Naturaledge

Naturaledge

PALMER84ONE:
Now that you mention it. There was a time back in catholic school where we had to be in church every tuesday for the same old hum drum. My parents were big on making sure we ate all of our vegetables for dinner every night. Well anyway, Monday night dinner just happened to be sauerkraut and bratwurst, with a side of green beans. (No idea why we had to have the green colored food also). Anyway, we all do the sit, kneel, stand, sit, kneel, sit and that just loosened the body up. If you have ever been in the cathedral with grade 1 through 9, the place was packed. Almost like a Sunday service with the begging for money (after all, we were students). It was a very quiet time when all of a sudden, all that movement gave me a rumble in the stomach first and that went strait to the rear. I let out this big audible like Bret Fahr when his leg cracked, followed by a wet squeezer and that was it... Soiled the the shorts and all. It was at that time I realized why the called the benches in a church a pew.
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:lol: :lol: that's all I got. :lol: P841- I gotta feeling you and I could do this all night :lol: Oh, and by the way, I was serious - I needed advice! :lol: But, since you brought up the green beens and stand kneel, stand kneel, sitch - it reminded me of that one time when I was about 13 and a was just about to stand when I blew an undigested green bean through the pew and just about took old Lady McMaster out. The Pastor, my Dad and I had a good chuckle.
 
Naturaledge

Naturaledge

2strokesteve89:
You stored it too long.......if you fart regularly, and don't hold it in too long the "death gas" can usually be avoided, think regular purging as a sort of maintenance. Now with that in mind, remember at even with regular " maintenance" there are certain foods such as cabbage, summer sausage, and Lima beans that WILL cause others to run for safety. Have a safe holidays.
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Trust me Steve - there is no gas that I store. Didn't do it as a teen and don't do it as an adult. Truth is, I actually get a kick out of drifting an air biscuit now and then. My issue is that last sneak attack I let rip actually stunk. I haven't floated a stinker like that since college days when I thought a McChicken, a McDouble and a super sized fries was a balanced meal.
 
2strokesteve89

2strokesteve89

Naturaledge:
Trust me Steve - there is no gas that I store. Didn't do it as a teen and don't do it as an adult. Truth is, I actually get a kick out of drifting an air biscuit now and then. My issue is that last sneak attack I let rip actually stunk. I haven't floated a stinker like that since college days when I thought a McChicken, a McDouble and a super sized fries was a balanced meal.
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Those would be included in my certain foods statement......if I were you I would think back and anal eyes ......I mean analyze exactly what you ate and in what order as well as what groups they were eaten in. There has to be an answer there somewhere. Or, it could be the beginning of a degenerating colon.....more commonly known as ulcerative colitis, in which the worst case scenario would be removing like 45 feet of yor colon, but buck up there, shitting into a bag for the rest of your life ain't that bad.
 
Naturaledge

Naturaledge

2strokesteve89:
Those would be included in my certain foods statement......if I were you I would think back and anal eyes ......I mean analyze exactly what you ate and in what order as well as what groups they were eaten in. There has to be an answer there somewhere. Or, it could be the beginning of a degenerating colon.....more commonly known as ulcerative colitis, in which the worst case scenario would be removing like 45 feet of yor colon, but buck up there, shitting into a bag for the rest of your life ain't that bad.
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I feel so good after reading this post! :lol: Steve, you have to give me the opportunity to return the favor. Deal? :lol:
 
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